Baby Memoirs – Our 10 Week Doctor Visit

Well, off I went to the doctor’s office with my wife Aubrye for our 10 week pregnancy check up.  Upon arriving the junior nurse led us into the exam room and said the Head Nurse will be right in.  Mind you, this was my very first gynecology appointment, so of course I am feeling a bit uneasy and out of place.  I mean, am I supposed to sit down?  If so, which chair am I supposed to sit in?  The one with wheels or the one with upholstery?  Perhaps I am not supposed to sit down at all, but rather stand in the corner?  Am I supposed to go back out to the waiting room once the stir ups are broken out?  It’s all a bit confusing to tell you the truth.  

The fact the appointment was first thing in the morning did not help matters at all, as I knew I had several urgent emails that I needed to tend to.  Being the ever prescient businessman, I brought along my iPad so I could process emails while we were waiting.  Unfortunately, this decision seemed to set the tone for the rest of our visit, as the moment Miss Baby Authority walks in to the room she says with a condescending tone; “oh, that looks like fun”.  I was a bit puzzled at the comment for a second until I realized she thought I had a “Game Boy” in my hand and I was playing some sort of a video game. 

My guess is Father’s To Be do not garner much attention or respect at this stage of the game, but any credibility I may have had just flew right out the door and back into the waiting room.  The next time Nurse T. (as we’ll call her) bothered to address me, she told me to stand in the corner and I could be in charge of the light switch.   Well, at least I knew where to stand now. 

I was told going in that we were there for a sonogram.  I’ve seen sonograms on TV and it all looked straightforward and harmless enough for me to agree to attend, without the need for any major sedatives no less.  After all, it is a sonogram.  There is this little device that gets rubbed over the belly, the fetus shows up on the monitor and the husband and wife start cooing with amazement.  I’m definitely down with that.   No problem. 

What nobody bothered to tell me is this was a “vaginal probe sonogram”.   Let’s just say the shape and sheer size of the lubed up device were more than a bit startling.  So if I was feeling a bit anxious before, I was now feeling anxious and totally inadequate as well.  I quickly gathered myself and realized I was not there for a competition, but rather something much more important.   It was me and only me that was in charge of the light switch and I was not about to screw that up.  Besides, it was the perfect opportunity to show Nurse T. that I am not just a video game playing mascot here passing time with some girl I knocked up.  I am the future father damn it. 

I got the OK from Nurse T. on flipping the lights off and I’m proud to say they went off without a hitch.  The monitor goes on and Aubrye and Nurse T. immediately start cooing and jabbering about all the stuff I guess they are supposed to be discussing at 10 weeks.  My being relegated to the corner did not offer quite as clear of look as they had, but it was definitely enough to reaffirm we do in fact have a baby on the way.  It was surreal and it was exciting.  My wife Aubrye asked “what do you think?”.  With the crooked grin she has seen a million times before, I said “oh my god, I think I am going to pass out.”  Well, by the glare Nurse T. stared me down with, you’d think I had just passed gas or something.  Is there some sort of handbook I should have read prior to coming in here I wondered?   Despite executing the light switch perfectly, I was clearly becoming an annoyance to her. 

I was finally allowed to get closer to the screen to take a better look and there is no mistaking a little baby complete with ever so tiny arms and legs, somewhat of plump tummy (which was a bit disconcerting) and a large alien like head was in there clear as day.  Astonishing and amazing for sure.  I was almost speechless to tell you the truth.   But not totally speechless, as I said “look honey, it looks just like you.”  Oops, Nurse T. was for sure going to toss me out this time I thought.  

But get a load of this; every wise crack I made that produced a snicker out of my beautiful, and ever so patient Aubrye, served to get the little bugger on the TV screen to move and switch positions trying to find a comfy resting spot.  I could actually see the baby moving!  Oh my god … I could hardly believe what I was witnessing.   I thought to myself; I am legendary for moving around and switching positions all night when searching for a comfy spot to sleep as well.   What a proud realization came over me.  Yep, it looks like I am going to be a father.