My Misplaced Empathy

My wife and I found ourselves watching the VH1 show “Celebrity Rehab” the other night (the reason why is another story altogether) and came across a scene which provoked an oddly familiar emotion. The episode featured Mackenzie Phillips (Yes, “One Day at a Time” Mackenzie Phillips) hearing news that her beloved dog, of which had already been struggling with diabetes, had also just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and was going to need to be put down. 

The entire circumstance was extremely difficult for me to watch, as I am a dog owner and am admittedly pretty extreme when it comes to my love for them.   Watching this little story unfold was fairly upsetting to be sure, but there was one clip in particular that is seared into my memory and undoubtedly will stay there for many years to come. 

The gist of the scene is more or less Mackenzie letting her dog, which she adored so-so much, blissfully scarf down a tub of Haagan-Dazs ice cream as a kind of last meal prior to the unthinkable next step.   Mackenzie shares with those in the room that her dog had always loved ice cream, but he had not been able to eat it in recent years as a result of the diabetes.   If you’ve been around dogs at all, you know exactly just how thrilled and contented this little guy looked while lapping down this tub of yummy ice cream.  At that moment, he was the happiest dog around and obviosuly completely oblivious of his pending fate. 

I had been pretty well choked up and even fighting back some tears for the entire segment featuring the dog, but like a dam being broken under the pressure of water, the lump in my throat escalated into what could only be described as an out and out sob during the ice cream scene.   I was not only overcome with emotion, but I was also absolutely stunned at my reaction.  Sure I am a dog lover and sure the site of a very sick dog is sad, but I am also an adult who is supposed to have a certain amount of control over his emotions at this point in life.  I mean, I am a grown man who is not supposed to break out into an all out sob when watching a show on TV, let alone watching VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab”. 

My reaction got me thinking about whether or not if the dying dog had been replaced with say her dying grandma, or a dying sister battling cancer, would it have sparked a similar level of emotion?   I so wanted to answer yes to this question, but the alarming truth is that it would have probably only provoked a mild degree of compassion and not too much more,  which for obvious reasons seems to be completely backwards.  I mean, what sort of horrible creature am I that the prospect of a dog dying produces a greater degree of emotional sadness than that of a fellow human being?  What in the name of all that is holy is wrong with me?

Before getting too much more upset with myself, I turned to my wife to see how she was feeling about all this.  Mind you, my wife is generally a much nicer and far less cynical person than I could ever hope to be.  Upon asking what her thoughts were about all this, she was so choked up that she could barely spit out an audible answer and tears were soon to follow. 

I started thinking about this more and more when I finally realized that this is not at all unusual for us.  For better or worse, my wife and I watch a fair amount of true story crime shows on TV, movies and even the local news where people are suffering and dying on almost a daily basis.  It is rare indeed that either one of us will be distressed to any sort of meaningful degree when viewing such.  However, if we come across a sight such as say a thoroughbred breakings its leg in a horse race or a K9 police dog being shot in the line of duty, you can pretty much count on the fact we’ll be wimpering in some form or fashion.    

If this dynamic were limited to just me alone, it might be a bit easier for me to wrap my head around, but my wife and several others I have since asked all report a very similar sort of misplaced empathy.  To be sure, I reflect upon this difficult to explain phenomenon quite often these days, and not once have I come up with what I feel is a suitable answer as to why.